Scratch Where They Itch
In the next few columns, I will share insights I have gained from a helpful book on building healthy, Christ-centered small groups: Getting Together: A Guide for Good Groups by Emory A. Griffin.
Small groups can be a pain on many levels. You don’t need a theology degree to know that—just a calendar. We’ve all felt the frustrations: trying to get everyone in the same room, the conversation that drifts into polite noise, the person who dominates, and the conflict that flares between two sincere believers who don’t care for each other. And yet… we’ve also seen the other kind of group. A circle of ordinary people becomes something more—kind, honest, prayerful, alive.
Emory Griffin suggests one reason the “alive” version is rare is that leaders often bring a single style to every situation. But different groups have different needs, and wise leaders learn to adapt.
Griffin identifies three main purposes that most groups lean toward: task, relationship, or influence (change). All three appear in every group, but usually one is the primary focus. When we misread the group’s purpose, we often create confusion and discouragement. A group trying to be an “accountability group” without trust will feel harsh. A group trying to plan a ministry without structure will feel endless. A group trying to build relationships but never moving beyond surface conversation will feel lonely.
Here’s a simple practice we can try at Christ Church Ann Arbor: ask this out loud every once in a while—
“What do we need most right now: direction, connection, or challenge?”
Direction fits a task season.
Connection fits a relationship season.
Challenge fits an influence season.
Servant leadership isn’t about “doing everything yourself.” It’s about meeting the real needs of the people God has placed in your care. As Griffin puts it (in his memorable phrase), leaders learn to scratch where people itch—not where the leader itches.
When leaders do that, groups become less frustrating and more fruitful. They still won’t be perfect—but they can become places where Christ’s love is practiced, not merely discussed.
By Pastor Chad Burrow
