The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller 2011. Penguin Books Random House. 330p.
Book report by Charles Krueger – August 2024
Why would someone such as myself, married more than 50 years, read a book on marriage? Shouldn’t this book be only for those not yet married but considering marriage? One would think anyone married 50+ years would have gone over, under, around, and through enough bridges of crises to not need advice. However, the Christian concept of sanctification emerges, the process of over life of becoming more Christ-like. Alas, one should always be open to input and never stop learning and growing!
First and foremost this book thoughtfully engages the concept of marriage from a thoroughly Biblical Christian context. As senior pastor at Redeemer PCA in Manhattan NY, Tim Keller based the book on a 9-week sermon series on marriage delivered in 1991. The central organizing Scripture for the book is Ephesians 5:18-33. Here marriage between a man and woman is deeply and richly considered as being analogous to the relationship between Christ and Church. For me verse 25 is one of the most startling marriage revelations “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. When I consider the nature of Christ’s self-sacrifice to the point of death, indeed husbands have a high calling! Keller does a good job expounding on the meaning of these verses (e.g., husband as a servant-leader p. 201) and many others on the meaning of marriage. The Bible is not silent on marriage!
Many, many topics are covered including the idea of who is an acceptable marriage partner, the Biblical support for singleness, dangers of marriage and children idolatry, and answering “how will I live with this flawed person”, and “who is this stranger I married”. Most helpful to me was Keller’s contrast between a self-fulfillment, self-realization of a “me-marriage” present within our current culture versus the idea of “two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love, and consolation – a haven in heartless world” (p. 30) and the notion of marriage being “a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other” (p.83). Unfortunately, the tension between careers and childcare and rearing were provided little Biblical reflection (see e.g., Prov. 22:6; Titus 2:3-5; 2 Thess. 3:10), a common struggle among married Christians in the church today.
My suspicion is that very much this book was written for an audience based on the composition of the Redeemer Church’s congregation and the challenges that brought to Keller. Redeemer congregants have at times numbered more than 4000 and Keller estimated 3000 of which were unmarried singles, many of whom were non-believers or who had recently come to faith. Within this congregational composition, I suspect, many attendees came from a substantially less than conservative Christian background. Thus, Keller deals with the thorny contemporary issues within our world. Topics discussed include the “hook-up” culture, sex before marriage, cohabitation, and is formal marriage really necessary. He even deals with the foreign and seemingly forgotten concept of chastity! To me these days it seems everyone does what seems right in their own eyes (Judges 17:6).
My recommendation is read this book whether you are single or married. If you are married, read this book and then do so again every five years!
Dr. Timothy Keller was educated at Bucknell University (BA); Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (MDiv); and Westminster Theological Seminary (DMin). In 1989, he became the founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City. He authored 33 publications on a variety of topics. He died May 19, 2023 at the age of 72 of pancreatic cancer.
